Part two of two reflections on gentlemanliness and ladylikeness in the 21st century
By Benjamin Treadwell · Staff Writer
A harmless man is not the same as a gentleman.
A distinction must be made between a polite man incapable of hurting a fly and a man capable of terrific violence who chooses to restrain himself.
The first is an acceptable product of modern society, and the second is the gentleman we really need. What good is a man with perfect etiquette who quails before a bully?
The truly impressive part of the ideal of chivalry — the original art of being a gentleman — was that it sought to civilize men without neutering them.
We must face the truth: men are built for fighting. It’s in their blood and bones. The question is: how will men use their aggression, and are men capable of more?
A true gentleman points his ferocious warrior spirit at genuine enemies while loving his neighbor like a brother. Binding the two sides of the true gentleman together is selflessness, the critical virtue for building up society.
A point of clarification: I still believe a gentleman obeys the Biblical command to love his enemy. Pray for your enemies and bless those who persecute you.
However, if the Good Samaritan had arrived while the robbers were still accosting the victim, he would have been commended for drawing a sword and loving his neighbor by smiting the wicked. David, “the man after God’s own heart,” brought “rest to Israel” by killing “ten thousands” in his wars.
A gentleman is selfless, and that means he is willing to lay down his life for his neighbor. He is willing to step in front of the threat for another. He is also capable of ferocity — yes, ferocity — against threats to his family, his friends and his siblings in Christ. If a gentleman isn’t terrifying sometimes, then he is stunted.
That said, the dangerous gentleman still must be gentle. Is the protector terrifying? Yes, but those whom the gentleman protects know that they have nothing to fear from him. Selflessness is, once again, putting others before yourself, meaning true gentlemen rein in their ferocity so they can be kind and gentle to their neighbor.
But selflessness is not passive. It is not merely “not hurting” your neighbor. A gentleman is a man of peace — he brings peace by protecting, and he also brings peace by putting the “civil” in civilization. Putting the civil in civilization requires action.
A gentleman is a loyal man. No society can be civil if no one can be trusted. How does a gentleman treat his male friends? He sticks with them through thick and thin, listening to their pain, celebrating their joys and exhorting them always to love and good works. He is faithful and trustworthy; he always comes through; he is a man of his word, a promise keeper. The true gentleman selflessly puts his friends before himself.
A gentleman is a kind man. If a man cannot treat those weaker than him with a tender hand, he is not strong enough to restrain his own strength.
A gentleman is capable of playing with children, having a quiet conversation with old people or a shy girl, bandaging wounds gently and walking stealthily in the library. He leaves no trace of his passing on anyone’s property unless it improves his environment.
He respects others enough to exert himself on their behalf. I don’t hold doors for people because I think I’m better, but because you are worth my time.
In the end, it’s all about being conformed to the image of Christ. Jesus is both the Lion and the Lamb. He is gentle: He cares for children, He heals and He loved us enough to die for us.
He is our protector: He whipped money changers, inspired the Imprecatory Psalms and will come in judgment. Justice and love are in Him in perfect harmony, and that is the sublime paradox of the Gentle Man.
