By Chris Gregory · Contributing Writer
As a current single man, this article is not my personal dating advice. My goal is to simply argue that Christians should not date nor pursue non-Christians for marriage.
I am sure that most can agree that dating is the first step towards marriage. When we are dating, we are all asking ourselves, “Is this someone I could see myself marrying?” Our understanding of marriage stems from the perfect picture of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. In a most marvelous picture of a father walking his daughter to her awaiting groom, God brings Adam his wife and Adam gives her the name “Eve.” God blesses them and tells Adam and Eve to be “fruitful and multiply” and to rule the world while under his divine rule.
In short, marriage is the combination of one man and one woman into one flesh, brought together by God. Marriage is principled towards procreation and is a small picture of Christ and the church. In the Book of Joshua, we see Joshua leading the Israelites in wars. We also see Yahweh give specific commands to the Israelites not to intermarry with any of the foreign women.
God tells the Israelites in Deuteronomy 7:3-4: “Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the Lord’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.”
These wars against the people of Canaan are not for ethnic purity, but rather covenantal and spiritual purity. The wife of Moses, Rahab of Jericho and Ruth of Moab were all foreign women, but all trusted in Yahweh. Even the heart of Solomon was turned away from the Lord due to his marriages with pagan women.
If Solomon was the wisest of all men, what makes us think we would be exempt? The New Testament does not do away with these practices but rather restates and reaffirms the commandments not to marry unbelievers. Nowhere in the New Testament does it endorse marriage with an unbeliever. Instead, it sets clear boundaries.
God does not change, and neither do his values. Romans 8 tells us that the church and the Christians are the new Israel. 1 Peter 2:9 affirms that we are called to be a new and holy nation. Can we truly be a new and holy nation and still unite ourselves with unholy people and ignore the commandments of God?
1 Corinthians 7:39 states, “A woman is bound to her husband for as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, as long as he is in the Lord.” Paul is setting a clear boundary for whom the unmarried are to pursue. The lack of textual evidence allows us to assume that first marriages are not exempt either.
Paul is telling us that the most basic and fundamental question we all must ask when pursuing a spouse is, “Are they in the Lord?” Proverbs 31:30 states, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
2 Corinthians 6:14-16 states, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? … Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.”
Should we take the temple of God and unite the temple with idols to other gods? Like two oxen plowing a field with a yoke between their necks, Paul is telling us not to be bound together with an unbeliever. To marry an unbeliever is to defy the commands of God and to unite the temple of God with pagan idols.
1 Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be misled, bad company corrupts good morals.” From Genesis to Paul, scripture never endorses marrying a non-believer but rather offers boundaries and warnings. We must do away with anecdotes of “can it work” but rather ask, “What does God call us to do?”
If you love God, keep his commandments. Pursue a spouse who fears the Lord and trusts in God’s will. Do not settle for temptation that turns you away from him. Whom would you rather please: an unbelieving partner or your heavenly Father? Glorify God first.
