“I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago and, honestly, I am still pretty heartbroken. But I have also been spending a lot of time with a girl who is friends with my ex. We have classes in common, and she has been really understanding and sympathetic to the breakup. I think I am starting to have feelings for her, and I am wondering if I should ask her out. But is it too soon?” – Friends-to-Lovers?
Wow, there are a lot of variables at play here. I have so many questions. How long were you and your ex dating? Is the girl her best friend, in her friend group or like a class friend? Did you guys part on good terms, or was it messy?
If you dated your ex for a few months, a month is just enough time, especially since you just started to catch feelings for someone new. If she and your ex are close, that’s a HUGE no-no when it comes to girl-code. If you ask anyway, be prepared for her to say no, because that’s what a true girl’s girl would do. If she says yes and claims to be your ex’s close friend, things are about to get chaotic in your life.
That’s a lot of ifs, my guy.
Honestly, when a past relationship ends on bad terms, it makes it that much easier to move on. There is nothing to hold on to. You said that you broke up with her and you didn’t immediately move on, going so far as to say you are heartbroken. To me, that means that the breakup was likely kind of messy (at least for you), so I’m assuming it is not because you had feelings for someone else at that point in time.
You THINK you are starting to have feelings for her … I would say to find out if you have strong feelings for her before you make any drastic decisions like asking her out too soon. The best relationships grow out of strong friendships that don’t have any strings attached to exes. Just saying.
A word of caution: Don’t mistake sympathy and basic kindness/friendliness for catching feelings on her end. Sometimes people are just nice. Regardless of what Harry says to Sally, it is possible for a girl and guy to just be friends, in my opinion. I would not ruin a good thing by moving too fast. Finally … don’t start a new relationship while you’re still “pretty heartbroken” about the last one. Start a new relationship because you genuinely enjoy the other person’s company, not because they’re good at listening to your whining about your last breakup.
From what you’ve said, just give it a bit more time. Trust me. I know best.
Intellectually yours, Dr. Love
