From the archives: Valentines Speak Softly – But Carry Big Stick!!
By Kathryna Hoyman · Managing Editor
Through the unembellished history stored away in The Collegian’s archived articles, I got novel taste of the times and a feel for Grove’s spirit over the past decades that secondary sources cannot fully convey.
Here is a piece published 75 years ago (minus one day) on Feb. 14, 1951. My impression from the many articles I scanned is that “the infamous Grover love life” holds less variation than one might expect. If you read last week’s submissions of students’ advice for talking to guys and girls, you’ll notice an uncanny resemblance between the Grovers of 1951 and those of our class, with a resort to sarcasm and provocation in the face of uncomfortable moments.
If you’re still in want of a Valentine’s “slam” for your dearest this Valentine’s Day, consider (or maybe don’t) these suggestions.
If the 1951 Valentines have their way, a man and his ego will soon be parted. For come Wednesday, February 14, we men (grown soft and susceptible from too much sweet-talk, I fear) have been ear-marked for candied phrases much like these:
Someone thinks you’re wonderful. Someone loves you, too. Someone thinks you’re quite a man… And that Someone is YOU!
Here’s another, just so you won’t forget:
If you were in the Movies, Your talents sure would shine… ’Cause you would play those Monster roles in films like FRANKENSTEIN!
Fortunately, there is no law or tradition requiring us to take this sort of thing lying down. Valentine publishers, with a sense of fair play, have also provided verse which will test the exploding point of m’lady’s vanity. Such as:
How’dja like to be my spouse? I wuntcha ‘round… To HAUNT my house!
Then there’s the one “For A Brainy Girl!”
This card says you’re CHARMING, and when you revive it… I know you’ll be STUPID enough To believe it!
There are still others, of course, but now that you know what you’re in for, let’s glance back a few years.John McLoughlin, a Scotsman with a book and printing business in New York City, introduced “Vinegar Valentines” in 1858. By and during the gay 1800’s, the sarcastic verses and crude insulting drawings were outselling sentimental Valentines.
Typical of these is one addressed to “A Shopping Terror.” The design pictures a woman shopper maniacal on Tenniel’s classic drawing of the Dutchess in “Alice in Wonderland.” The verse brutalizes her for her pestering all the clerks, and concludes: “But decency’s a thing for which you plainly have no bent.”
Others in equally bad taste were titled: “To A Bad Dancer,” “To A Conceited Man” and even “To A Lady With Bad Teeth.” Today, the trend is toward a cushioned slam, and the “Vinegar Valentines” of yesteryear have been bid an irreverent farewell. Whimsy and clever illustrations have grown increasingly popular, culminating in the bittersweet slams featured in this year’s crop of Valentines.
Actually, the new Valentine slams are of two types. One for the receiver, another for the sender. Consequently, people who enjoy a laugh at their own expense will probably end up sending something like this:
If you wuz a CUCKOO how nice it would be! ’Cuz then you might go for a BIRD BRAIN like me!
However, if your romance is on the edge of the ledge, there are sentimental verses that still speak of love in the “good old-fashioned” way.
