My roommate was involved with this guy last year, and I think she might still have feelings for him. The problem is, I have a bit of a crush on him. What should I do? Would I be a bad friend if I went for it?
Sincerely, Stuck Between My Roommate and a Crush
Do you want my short and sweet answer? Here it is: YES.
Crushes come and go. Friends are way more important than any guy could ever be. Don’t risk your friendship and the rest of your year over someone you have a “bit of a crush” on. If you’re asking me what I honestly think, I think you already know the answer.
My slightly longer answer: let it go. I always hate when people say there’s plenty of fish in the sea, but it is completely true.
You’d be setting yourself up for a messy incident, whether or not anything actually happens. The trust you have built with each other is enough to live with one another all year. Jeopardizing that by bringing a guy that you think she still has feelings for into the mix is pretty high on the list of no-gos.
It’s not a bad thing to have a crush on someone, but this is a conscious choice: If the possibility of being a bad friend crosses your mind when you’re about to do something, that means you were probably about to be a bad friend. Loyalty has to mean something, right?
Let’s say you did go for it and it works out. Now every time you want to bring him over or talk about him, your friend will be reminded that you cared more for a random boy than her feelings or her as a friend.
Even if she tries to act nonchalant, she probably won’t love that you went for someone she still has feelings for. If it fizzles out, what then? You’ve already broken her trust over a boy that didn’t even last the month.
Girl code rule number one: you don’t go for past flames, whether that flame has been extinguished or not.
At the end of the day, he’s just a guy. Chances are he’s not the love of your life. I’m not telling you to never have a crush on anyone ever again, but try not to burn up your existing relationships in the search for “the one.”
Good luck!
Auspiciously,
Dr. Love Love M.D.
