By Dr. Love · Love M.D.
I started dating my boyfriend in the spring, and then we had to spend the whole summer doing long distance. I kept telling myself it would all be worth it once we were finally back together, and I spent three months building up this picture in my head of how amazing it would feel to see him again. Now that we’re back at school, he’s acting kind of … off. He’s not as excited, he’s distracted and it feels like he missed me way less than I missed him. Should I be worried that my relationship is slipping?
Sincerely, Dreaming of April Again
Long distance is HARD on a relationship. There’s a good reason why many relationships stumble or crumble after being apart. But if you spent months building up a reunion in your head, you’re putting a lot of pressure on a new relationship. Don’t put it on a pedestal. Let it take its natural course.
I think it’s great for two people in a relationship to have their own lives, friends and events. That’s how it should be! However, never seeing the other person and being unable to spend time with them can strain even the most rock-solid relationship.
In this case, your honeymoon phase was rudely cut short by summer. While late-night video calls may help, they can only go so far. Right now, I think you each should take some time to get used to the ebb and flow of your new schedules. It’s only been a week!
Is he blowing off meal dates and study times to hang out with the boys, or is he just studying alone? It’s normal for priorities to shift after coming back from summer break. Some people are working to put themselves through school and have to do homework as well. The addition of a job and courses can bring stress to a relationship that wasn’t there over the summer.
My favorite piece of advice to give is this: communicate! Take some time and ask him what’s been on his mind. What has him so distracted? Is it school, work or something else? Tell him how you’re feeling, too. It just might open up conversation and resolve these issues, real or imagined.
If there isn’t clarity after that conversation, it’s time for you to decide whether you want to keep putting effort into the relationship. Honesty is important.
Side note:
Life gets ten times busier after college, so it’s that much more important to ensure that the relationship is a priority and that you both are on the same page. Making time for your girlfriend or boyfriend will let your relationship thrive.
Auspiciously yours,
